From the same friend who brought you the Married People Creed :

Article I. We, the Heresy Hunters, affirm that if you don’t hold our denominational and spiritual views, “straight to Hell; do not pass Go; do not collect 200 dollars”!

Article II. We, the Heresy Hunters, affirm that everyone and everything in Christianity are evil and heretical, and if you question us, you will also go to Hell.

Article III. We, the Heresy Hunters, affirm that we are the Second Coming of Joseph McCarthy, and that we hereby usher in the Christian “McCarthy Era”.

Article IV. We, the Heresy Hunters, affirm Hank Hannegraaff’s Virgin Birth, Sinless Life, Vicarious Atoning Death, Resurrection on the third day, subsequent seating on the right hand of Walter Martin, and sending forth John Ankerberg to infill the disciples and be their Comforter.

Article V. We, the Heresy Hunters, affirm Jack T. Chick as our resident prophet/cartoonist, and affirm that everyone’s life will end in one of two ways, as depicted in every Chick tract as follows:
(1) death of a dread disease or horrible accident [the only way to heaven], or (2) going straight to hell [after facing a God with a blank egg-shaped face].

Article VI. We, the Heresy Hunters, affirm that incidental, superfluous tasks [such as evangelism] shall be left to evangelists and preachers, and that we shall not soil our hands to do such work, for our work and calling is to criticize those who engage in such trivialities.

Article VII. We, the Heresy Hunters, affirm that we shall make the millions … and millions … of dollars, from a book that debunks prosperity.

Article VIII. We, the Heresy Hunters, affirm that if you preach about God in any kind of positive light, you are an heretic, and you are guilty of promoting “Eastern Religion wrapped in Western Clothing”, and further affirm that the only message about God that is acceptable, is the one that puts him in a bad light, for to suffer is to win salvation, since Jesus’ suffering was not enough.

Article IX. We, the Heresy Hunters, affirm individually that, “I’m not a preacher; I just play one on TV”.

Article X. We, the Heresy Hunters, affirm that Hell is a real place, created for Benny Hinn and his angels.