Article I: We the Pentecostals confirm that the only way God will move on his people again is to go back to: ankle-length skirts, no jewerly, no makeup, the KJV Bible, no air conditioning, no padded pews, singings, paper fans from the funeral home, tent revivals, Sunday and Wednesday evening services, brush arbors, sawdust floors, perfect attendance pins, Sunday School, campmeeting, fried chicken on the grounds after service, and Southern Gospel Music.

Article II: We the Pentecostals confirm that God only moves in our churches because our services end around 12:30 – 1:00 and the ‘mainline’ churches letting out at high noon has put God in a box.

Article III: We the Pentecostals confirm that Homecoming Sunday, Pentecost, and New Years Eve Watchnight are important days equated to Christmas and Easter.

Article IV: We the Pentecostals confirm that modern Christian music is of the devil. However, when a Southern Gospel group takes a modern song and converts it to country twang, then the song is anointed and of God.

Article V: We the Pentecostals confirm that front-wheel drive vehicles are ‘antichrist-technology’ and we will resort to our rear wheel drive vehicles of SUV’s, Lincoln Town Cars, Custom Vans, and older worn out rear wheel drive Cadillacs and Buicks.

Article VI: We the Pentecostals confirm that we will have our new luxury rear-wheel drive vehicle every five years while still living in our thirty year old dilapidated mobile home.

Article VII: We the Pentecostals confirm that: (1): If it’s free, it’s anointed and of God. (2): If it’s cheap, it’s of God. (3): If it costs money, it ain’t God.

Article VIII: We the Pentecostals confirm that all the songs sung will contain the word ‘blood’ and we will sing Hymns but eliminate verses that do not contain the word ‘blood’.

Article IX: We the Pentecostals confirm that our pastors can have nice things but when you want / buy something nice, you are ‘carnal and worldly’.

Article XI: We the Pentecostals confirm that by using the word ‘confirm’ in our creed instead of the word ‘affirm’, that this signifies ‘be ye seperate from the world’ in action.

Article XII: We the Pentecostals confirm that we will do things abnormal and backwards from everyone else to prove that we are ’seperate and apart’ from the world.

Article XII: We the Pentecostals confirm that our children’s rock music is evil and will send their souls to hell but we will listen to Country music about wife beaters, wife cheaters, rowdy beer drinking friends, the good ole days, and losing our virginity in the backseat of the 63 Ford Galaxie.

Article XIII: We the Pentecostals confirm that we will not take our youth to the skating rink and the bowling alley unless they agree to close down the game room and play only Christian music.

Article XIV: We the Pentecostals confirm that we will preach that buying and selling on Sunday is evil but will go to a restraunt after service, make a mess, and leave a Gospel track instead of a tip.

Article XV: We the Pentecostals confirm movies will send your soul to hell but we will watch the edided for television version on Sunday Night after service.

Article XVI: We the Pentecostals confirm that you better dance, shout, and speak in tongues very loudly because this is what Heaven is going to be like and when those people who attend mainline churches (if God has mercy on them) get to heaven, they will be in for a shock.