It’s 5:15 Am on a Saturday morning as I begin to write this post. A couple of hours ago, I woke up out of a short and deep sleep…
…and the loneliness hit me again. I laid there in the bed wide awake as I turned off the radio and I began to do something I am used to doing by now, I began repeating the same requests for a Godly wife over and over again like I had a belief that God will get us together a little bit sooner.
I thought about the stigma of being Christian, single and as a 37 year old man being viewed by the pro family, Republican homeschool butterfly kissing followers of such a socially designed Jesus as being either a creep, internet pornographer, emotionally underdeveloped, immature, unworthy, etc. I thought about the online dating sites I had visited within the past week and I this thought really hit me deeper than when I noticed it the first time. Most of the single Christian women in my age bracket already have children between 8-18 years of age and have been divorced.
I thought about the fact that I would feel adequate enough to be a Godly husband that could provide leadership, nurture, and put a roof over our heads, put food on the table, put clothes on our back, etc. However, the questions of being a good parent came up with the added complications of having to be the new addition to the family in reference to:
(1): Even though the mother would have explained the marriage to the children and the changes that would take place, would the children respect and obey me as the leader of the household even though I am not their biological father?
(2): Would the child resent me by seeing me as the ‘intruder’ that is ‘taking the place’ of the father?
(3): Would the child see me as the ‘destroyer of dreams’ when the fantasy still exists in the child’s mind of their biological parents getting back together?
It’s wise to consider these issues now, and determine for yourself what you would and would not be willing to handle.
I don’t have experience personally with “mixed” families, beyond what I’ve seen second hand with family and friends. No doubt about it, it can be tough on spouses & children alike.
But like anything else, you really don’t know what you’re capable of (or what grace is available to you) until you find yourself in the midst of a situation.
Hang in there,
Feeble
I have scads of Christian friends who married in their late 30’s and even into their 40’s for the first time (and they were Christians when it happened). Most of these women never had married. For those Christian men who married women with children, when it’s God’s will, it seems He turns the children’s hearts to the new father. In fact, what I have seen with my friends who already had children was, one BIG confrimation that it was actually God bringing them together was that the children were enthusiastic about it, and at times even BEFORE the mother had any idea that this was the one for her.
When God is in it, things realyly do come together.
But remember, your future wife may have become a Christian yesterday and needs more time until marriage. I had a friend who married for the first time at 42. Her husband had only been a Christian for 7 years so if she had married in her twenties when she watned to, either she would have married the wrong person, or her now-husband as a non-Christian. There is always a reason but believe me, I have been where you are lots of times in the past. Now that I am old, I am at peace with my singleness–BUT almost 99% of the hundreds of singles I have known that wanted to get married do. So hang on……:) I have seen this weapon used by satan continually against singles…and as you point out…the church doesn’t help–often they hinder.
Feeble:
You are correct when you state that now is the time to start thinking and addressing this issue.
Diane:
When you stated
That is a very interesting observation and some genuine wisdom in what you stated. If God is in this, you will see the children supernaturally turn the heart of the child towards the father and communication and divine order would be established.