Reading Michael Spencer’s article Dancing Makes Me Angry , it reminded me of some things of interest.

This post I wrote.

And…..

A parallel where the things the Southern Baptists in Spencer’s life were also done by the Pentecostals in my life. The things that Spencer talked about also went on in Pentecostal circles.The old ‘We do not drink smoke, dance, bowl, mix swim, or chew or hang out with those that do” were prevalent.

I too ’skipped the prom’ for Jesus. I did not go to the movies because they would send me to hell (even though they rented them or watched the edited Sunday night TV version). I remember seeing how my Sunday-school classmates at eighteen and life had to make up for lost time so fast that they did the immature and poor choices.

I’m ashamed to admit it but a long time ago, I broke a multi-year boycott of the movie theater and went to see Forrest Gump. I saw the commercials on television and wanted to go. I remember the anxiety, hysteria, and paranoia that went through me the days before going with some close friends. I thought over and over again about cancelling the movie with some excuse justifying someone elses personal ‘excuse’ to be the champion Christian for us all. I felt that early evening the increased anxiety, hysteria, and paranoia at the movie theater as I kept looking back, infront, and around in the parking lot, theater, lobby, and bathroom for those same Pentecostals that would do like the Baptists in Spencer’s article did and hide in the parking lots to see who was violating the rules to expose and send to hell. I purposely sat in the back of the theater to make sure that I could not be viewed from behind and be able to duck down if they showed up. I watched the movie while at the same time looked around the audience to where if one showed up, I could prepare my plan to avoid them after the movie. The worse thing about this was that this was many years after I left.

What was worse were ‘the stories’ about those that chose to ‘violate the rules’ and how they ‘descended into chaos’ and ‘a devil’s hell’ never to recover again (so much for grace….). It either led to premarital/adulterous sex or eternal seperation from God. It was so wierd that we believed the stories withoug asking for references and sources to verify if they were true or not because it was told in the church therefore it had to be true.

The Pentecostals took this mentality one step further in reference to modest but nice possessions. To have nice possessions was deemed to be ‘worldly’ and ’secular (sheck–you-lerrrr)’ and the procurement of them was always attributed to ‘full or partial non-payment of tithes’ and ‘the new idol’.

Stories were told of the people who bought the nice house, watch, and car and God ’struck them down, hallelujah ronda-konda-shonda-honda-ra-ta-ta’ because it became ‘exalted above God’. From the house that burned down or got reposessed due to job loss or the car that was a lemon, everything had a ‘justification’ because the justification and not the Scriptures were need to prove that their Christianity was right and therefore everyone elses was wrong.

Worse was at Christmas time when the toys the pastor’s meager salary could not afford suddendly became preached from the pulpit as ’sin’ to make his kids appear to be more equal to their Sunday school counterparts and to not feel bad for not getting the toy. This was added to the fact that there was some Pentecostal in some remote part of the world that did not have it and we needed to be more greatful (and give them the money used to purchase the toys) to teach us humility and that it really was better to give than to receive. To have a nice gift from Santa or gift wrapped made me feel very guilty and undeserving and I never told my fellow church goers what I got for fear of getting ‘the speech’ that I saw others ‘endure’ to become ‘the super special chosen ones’.

Why am I writing this? Because to this day, I still feel this anxiety and paranoia when I want purchase something nice for myself just because I want or need it. I purchased a new computer to continue the webpage and learn computer stuff a year ago and felt the anxiety of purchasing it. I held out for days and months because I feared some wrath of judgement if I purchased it. I went through the anxiety, paranoia, and hysteria when I finally purchased it fearing loss of income leading to credit card debt, the computer be broken or shipped wrong as ‘the sign’ for getting something nice. I even questioned this again when after five months of owning the computer, the computer died and had to be fixed under warranty followed by the near impossible task to schedule the on-site warranty service man to come over and perform the warranty work and having to go on a short notive business trip to Florida at the same time.

I went through the same type of anxiety, paranoia, and hysteria a couple of months ago when I purchased a DVD recorder for my home theater. My old DVD player (I repeated the cycle even then) broke and I wanted to replace it. I even questioned if God was angry and judged me for buying it when a week later I dropped and broke my glasses and also cracked a tooth that needed a crown. Pentecostals in the pews were taught that thee things happened to those who had/wanted nice things because they ’sold their souls’ or ‘did not pay their tithes’ to get them while pentecostals who preached in the pulpit blamed ‘the great Satan’ when they dropped their glasses, cracked a tooth, broke a fingernail, etc. and demanded the sevenfold repriations plan while doing without nice things.

It’s Christmas time… I am feeling the anxiety, paranoia, and hysteria once again as to whether I deserve the gifts I receive in the midst of shortcomings, hungry children in the third world, families in my city who live in poverty that can not afford a toy for a child, etc. or wanting to buy me a little something special for myself after my Christmas shopping is done with. I am thinking about getting a new (or low-mileage well kept used) car early next year to replace a seventeen year old faithful car. I am looking but very cautious and hesitant because the anxiety, paranoia, and hysteria is warring fearing that when I eventually sign the papers to purchase the car, some anger, wrath, punishment, sabotage, curses, sickness, loss of employment, and/or tragedy will occur as God’s judgement because I wanted a nice but moderate car and that the one I purchase may be considered too exotic for God’s (or someone’s definition / fantasy of how he really is) taste. In fact, there will be some after reading this will will think that I deserve some personal tragedy because I went as far as to write this article because their whole belief system about God is based on making sure the “i” is dotted and the “t” is crossed fearing the trap door to hell is about to open up and chute them down if they don’t. To see someone who is better off than they are suffer is their definition of the God who moves on their behalf even when it rains on the just and unjust.

What happens when the feelings of the anxiety, hysteria, and paranoia reach the extremes? Everything becomes questioned and requestioned. The twenty-twenty hindsight of the past is re-analyzed and over analyzed even though it can not be changed as the difference between taking the left or a right at the stoplight is equated to the lowest common denominator of comedy or tragedy, blessing or cursing, and survival or death. If I had only waited five minutes more…. If I had never bought the shirt I needed….. If I had went with this insurance company instead of that one…… If I had never left this church…… If I had voted for this candidate for board of education…. If I had called my friend before he went off and was never seen again. ……

The botom point is when you get further and deeper tied down that not only this is ‘the judgement’ for sin and “God Getting Back’ at you, but this may keep you from ‘being raptured…..’ when the second coming occurs (I will delve on the rapture topic later on)…..