I need to vent once again about relationship frustration.
Lately, for some wierd reason, I have been looking again at Christian Internet online matchmaking sites. My curiousity has been heightened again as I had decided to update my profile at the many different sites and begin looking around for potential matches within my geographical area and try one more time. My results at this time were both intriguing and at the same time very frustrating.
I was amazed and perplexed at how the vast majority of the women within the age ranges, personality traits, and within my geographical area came up with either ‘pentecostal, charismatic, “other”, or ‘non-affiliated” when listing their denomination. You could find very few women that listed the Baptists, Methodists, Presbyterians, etc. or other well-known mainline denominations as their religious denomination.
I thought about that and it is because of the prevailing attitude concerning marriage. The mainline denominations stress prayer, preparation, etc. as a precursor to marriage but somehow, marriage happens. However, in the pentecostal and charismatic circles, the prayer and preparation is somewhat emphasized but for some reason, there seems to be a ‘marital mysicism’ the aurates the air. I have wondered if it’s because of it seems that the pentecostal, charismatic, and ‘non-demoninational’ women are either so heavenly minded that they are no earthly good, Jesus is their boyfriend/husband, the have to play the ‘mega discernment (aka using God to justify rejection)’ game or they are so dysfunctional that it is clearly seen after the first two dates.
I’m baffled by it all…….
I’ve never heard nor seen Baptist, Presbyterian, Methodist, or other mainline single women use the mega discernment nor the Jesus as their boyfriend crapola. They just go out and be their supernaturally natural selves and their examples are the witness. The pentecostal, charismatic and non-denominational spirit-filled ones go overboard to try to overemphasize their ’spirituality’ to where it is more of a turn off and a turn on.
I really wondered about what was meant by ‘other’ and non-denominational. I had numerous matches that communicated with me that was of the ‘non-demoninational’ and ‘other’ background. When I asked questions about what the ‘non-demoninational’ or ‘other’ consisted of, all I got was nebulous answers that created more questions and use of buzz words that sounded muddled and postmodern that were not clear and defined. It was alot of head games and inability to pinpoint solid and concrete answers. I got answers such as “I attend a fellowship at a local worship center…” That really bothers me because it leads me to believe that there is some covert form of deception and heterodoxy possibly taking place. Did ‘other’ mean respected Christian denominations like Moravian and Christian and Missionary Alliance that usually are not choices when signing up for a Christian dating service, house church, or did ‘other’ mean some bizarre heterodox cultic fringe group or some hyper charismatic group that believes themselves as ‘the mega remnant’ and everyone else as the ‘inferior ones’?
Bob,
As you know, I’ve been a Christian a very long time and have attended many types of churches. And, I find that the ones in the Charismatic wing, especially the women, are very dysfunctional as a group. THe men tend to be weak; and those that are not leave those churches behind soon. However, I’ve seen God bring peoples’ mates to them when it is time. After all, perhaps your one just came to Christ a while back and needs time to mature. Or perhaps she just got out of jail…..LOL (half kidding of course). Hang in there my friend. I am sending you something encouraging (I hope) in email.
There’s a simpler answer:
Many Pentecostals are in Holiness churches. Holiness churches stress just that. As a result, these women are far less likely to date men who are divorced or who have slept around a lot, even if all that happened before the fella got saved. This makes the woman’s list of “must have traits” a lot longer, therefore they stay single longer.
Make sense?
Long time no visit. I have been busy in the UK and haven’t visited in a while. Very interesting article. I can understand your frustration and when I was over in the states on holiday, I noticed some of the same things you mentioned.
Diane, Dan, and Neil:
Thanks for your comments. In reference to what Dan stated, he triggered another mentality that I forgot to talk about here in reference to the pentecostal, charismatic, word of faith, ‘third ravers’, etc.
The need to be perfect. And perfect to the point where a man had to walk on eggshells, handle with kid gloves to make sure the ‘i’ was dotted and the ‘t’ was crossed.
Any mistake from not opening the door for them at the restraunt, listening to other music besides Gospel, etc. and along with the other things that would terminate a relationship such as cheating was the ‘opt-out’ for them to terminate the relationship deemed as ‘missing out’, ‘punishment’, “Moses mentality’, ‘purging of the remnant’, ‘discernment’, etc.
One mistake, you were done, finished.
However, when they made the mistake, it was ‘I’m a sinner saved by grace…..” speech and you were supposed to ignore it and go on without addressing it.
Also, look at the realm of hobbies, the man’s hobbies and likes was ‘flesh and sinful’ while their hobbies and likes was ’spiritual and Godly’. The men were expected to give everything up and the women did not have to give up anything and the men had to basically become like a sister to them.
It seemed to be a very poor double-standard that lack balance, freedom, and a true love in encouraging the mate to pursue hobbies and talents they were proficent at.