Relationship Frustration Part Infinite0008
For the past couple of weeks, I have been reading off and on John Eldredge’s new book The Way of The Wild Heart (review to come later) and I got to pages 193-197 (hardback version) and I had to stop and re-read it again…..
and again….. and again….. and again…..
It’s intriguing how the words of five pages have caused me to not go further in reading this book. The author tells of a memory as a sixth grader as he and his friend would just wait for this one particular beautiful young girl to walk by their house. Life was worked around her time schedule of walking in front of his friend’s house as everything got interrupted to just see her even though they knew that they could never have her.
Isn’t that the same feeling that most Christian women leave most Christian men?
They walk by knowing that the Christian man is admiring them but the Christian man has already figured out that they can never have her because of the overkill expectations of Christian man to be ‘hyperholy, hyperperfect, and hyperspiritual’ that makes him feel very unworthy because he can never ‘meet the impossible standard’ and when he finally believes that he does….
the standard and the rules change to another impossible ‘state of being’ to reach… (and the cycle repeats)…
Even though the ‘impossible standard’ in Eldredge’s circumstances was probably an age difference, it appears in many aspects of the quest for the boyfriend/girlfriend relationship that the ‘impossible standard to obtain’ of the hyperspirituality is a difference not in age but in the evolving and chameleon definition of what is real Christian manhood.
In fact, the ‘impossible moving target standard to obtain’ has beaten down so many Christian single men to the point that they start feeling that the only way that Christian male / Christian female relationship can ever be obtained is if (and when) a miracle from God takes place very similar to the miracle of God creating Eve for Adam as told in Genesis 2:18-25. You begin to feel in the weary war that she is really not out there and does not even exist on planet Earth to the point that God is going to have to create her from thin air, fill in the dates and blanks, and then like in verse 22 ‘bring her to the man’. Or God is going to have to go outside of the familiar surroundings of your church/Christian scene (Genesis 24) but back to the family of God and convince a woman to leave her familiar surroundings of her church/Christian family scene to come to your life.
Adam became not ashamed and Isaac became comforted…..
It will be my turn one day……..
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You begin to feel in the weary war that she is really not out there and does not even exist on planet Earth to the point that God is going to have to create her from thin air, fill in the dates and blanks, and then like in verse 22 ‘bring her to the man’.
Totem, have you ever heard Christian Marrieds’ testimony on “How I Met My Wife”? THAT’S IT. She just shows up on the Christian Man’s doorstep one morning, specially created & commanded to be his wife.
Against that, what can us mere mortals hope?
Addendum: Read both this and “Christlam” back-to-back and got a weird syncretism re “Jesus-is-my-Boyfriend” spirituality.
In herd animals with a harem organization, the alpha male takes/claims all the females for his harem and the beta-to-omega males have to learn to do without. (Unless, of course, one of them is able to knock over the alpha and claim the harem as the new alpha.)
Islam also uses the harem system (from Arab tribal culture, locked in by divine fiat); the frustrated beta-to-omega “loser” males are the raw material for suicide attacks and Jihad savagery. (Raid and pillage, take the infidel women for YOUR harem, and look forward to the 72-virgin harem you’ll get in Paradise after you die in the “right” way.)
When Christian women go the “Jesus is my Boyfriend” route en masse, you get the same effect. Christ becomes the ultimate Alpha Male, who has taken all the eligible women for HIS harem. And us beta-to-omega mortal males are going to resent this and act accordingly.
note to Ken’s response….isn’t Jesus the “alpha male” for us all? Granted some women have taken it to the extreme…but to be honest I think some women use that as a polite excuse so as not to go out with someone that they’re not interested in. I find it better to be honest and say, “I really don’t think we would do well dating, but if you’re interested in being friends I can do that”