Trust Me, I Can Be Trusted
I was reading Internet Monk’s latest article entitled Repenting of The Wrong Kind of “Male Leadership” and the following issue came to my mind as I read the article…
Trust
Why are Christian men are always viewed in the church as being distrustful, always guilty, always coming short of expectations, etc? Why are Christian men forced to take the blunt of blame for everything that goes wrong? Why does women’s conferences encourage and help the women (some are gripe sessions against the men) while men’s groups are guilt trip sessions where men get raked over the coals, demeaned, and belittled where men get treated like little children who can never be trusted?
I feel as I am between the gears (and being ground up) when viewed by the modern men’s movement. It deeply frustrates me.
I am appalled at the Promise Keepers movement. I too experienced the “No. I get to hear what a worthless excuse I am for a husband and father.” (and also a man) mentality that one of the commentors of the Spencer article discussed. Try being in your late 30’s and still single. You get further ’stigmatized’ as being ‘dysfunctional’ and get looked down upon if your career field is not in the ministry, sales, marketing, financials, stock brokers, insurance, and real estate. Tell them that you are in engineering and then you are viewed and labeled as being one that does the “M” while viewing Internet pornography at 3 AM in the morning while playing World of Warcraft against Ravi in India and Sean in Canada. In fact, go visit some churches by yourself and have to ask an usher where the men’s room is at. Then you get indirectly followed to see that you go straight to the men’s room (go directly to the men’s room, do not pass go, do not collect $200.00) and after finishing ‘your business, get indirectly followed to see that you go straight back to the sanctuary (go directly back to the sanctuary, do not pass go, do not collect $200.00)
I also read Wild At Heart and watched the DVD’s from the Pentecostal Ponderosa. While most of the content was interesting, it has now turned into a fantasy role-playing game mentality of seizing the castle and rescuing the damsel in distress. Men need real answers in their walk with Christ and not to be constantly beaten down and berated nor made out to be a superhero with magical powers that changes things, captures the bad guy, and saves the planet from one-world domination. Man is man, not Dudley Do-Right (or Dudley Doo-doo-Right when he goofs)
One thing that intrigued me about this article was when Spencer mentioned the concept of ‘irresponsibility with money’ when he stated “Then take a look at all the debts your toys and your need to appear successful have put on your family.”
In my part of the country, the Christian men do not have nice toys, the Christian wife does and wears very nice clothes. The Christian man wears his re-stitched shirts and pants, his shoes that are worn in the soles, and drives the 15 year old Honda Accord to work that’s about to fall apart while Christian wife gets a new minivan every three years and has more dresses than a dress shop and almost the same amount of shoes as Imelda Marcos had.
Christian man’s wallet is micromanaged to where he is like Dominos Pizza delivery boys and carries less than 20.00 that has to last him for a two week pay period and no credit cards and carries his peanut butter sandwich and bottled water to work while Christian wife spends the finances into bankruptcy and buys every Jesus Junk trinket at the Christian bookstore. However, if Christian man spends the $20.00 he better get a receipt. In many places, Christian man doesn’t get to go anywhere unless it’s at church (going anywhere by himself is giving him a chance to commit adultery or to stop by unsaved friends house to look at Playboy), wife is constantly calling his cellphone to track him, and Christian woman goes anywhere she likes while Christian man babysits, clothes, and bathes the six homeschooled kids while she is at women’s ministry meetings getting ‘fed’ but instead gripes about how her husband never lives up to God’s (aka her) expectations.
No wonder men feel defeated, frustrated, suppressed, etc. and all we get are pat answers to further feminize us or the other extreme of overfleshing ourselves. The balance must be out there somewhere.
And I still want to find that future mate and get married someday to that special one who will love and accept me as I am without trying to ‘re-invent’ me into being one of those feminized men Christian men’s ministries love to see….. Go figure.
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