The Slice has a great idea. Instead of an apologetics conference, why don’t we instead have

An National Apology Conference

She lists her 13 basic apologies as detailed below:

1. We’re sorry for treating Jesus Christ as a life-enhancement product.

2. We’re sorry for funding and listening to crooks and liars on TV and sending them money.

3. We’re sorry for attending churches where live motorcycle stunts are performed onstage.

4. We’re sorry for having 3rd rate ethics while claiming to follow Christ.

5. We’re sorry that neighbors had to call the police because our church sound system blew out their windows.

6. We’re sorry for supporting a deranged “evangelist” who kicks people in the stomach to cure their cancer.

7. We’re sorry for wearing/selling/buying stupid T-shirts that blaspheme God and thinking that would impress non-Christians.

8. We’re sorry for spending billions of dollars on music downloads and CD’s of our favorite Christian pop stars and funding their demise.

9. We’re sorry for blowing off Sola Scriptura and returning to medieval mysticism.

10. We’re sorry for buying books from heretical wolves like Brian McLaren who deny hell, the substitutionary atonement and the Second Coming.

11. We’re sorry for adopting hindu worship practices as a Christian means of encountering God.

12. We’re sorry for buying trash like The Shack that redefines the Trinity and introduces goddess theology to evangelicals.

13. We’re sorry for following the Rupert Murdoch-sponsored Pied Piper into his latest church campaign because we refuse to think biblically.

Martin Luther had his 95 Theses and Steve Camp has his 107 theses reclaiming a reverence for God in ministry. Even though a “national Apology Conference’ is pretty much unfeasable, why can’t we have a ‘Theses of Apologies’ with additions such as:

14. We’re sorry for making the church into a corporation where numbers and money are more valuable than the needs and spiritual nourishment of God’s people.

15. We’re sorry for making the church into an army of theo-politics wanting the merging of church and state instead of becoming the army of God to spread the Gospel and fulfill the Great Commission.

16. We’re sorry for believing that the way to perform outreach to our city is to cast the demons of vices out of main street from our sanctuary.

17. We’re sorry for trying to convince you that all Christians look and act like the people on TBN and think and feel like Pat Robertson, Jerry Falwell, the Family Research Council, and James Dobson in the name of being ‘an information and anaylsis feature’.

18. We’re sorry for reducing the worship service into another episode of American Bandstand, Solid Gold, MTV’s “The Grind”, and Dance Fever.

19. We’re sorry for trying so much to be like the culture while at the same time warring against it to destroy it and state the cheezy christian imitation is the official real definition of culture.

20. We’re sorry for idolizing the family at the expense of shunning the elderly, poor, widower/widowed, singles, and handicapped.

21. We’re sorry for placing on a pedestal Christian singers who tell us one day to ‘pledge allegiance to the lamb’ to only tell us he’s coming out of the closet to start ‘pledging allegiance to the lambda’ the next day.

22. We’re sorry for manipulating people with our televangelists who beg for more money to more mismanage threatening to die if they do not receive the money by a certain day or threaten you with sickness, disease, and poverty by ‘Jehovah Jihad’ if you don’t send them any money’.

23. We’re sorry for televangelists who tell us to live sexually pure lives to only be exposed for adultery or homosexuality weeks later.

24. We’re sorry for sermons that are really ‘Christianized’ pep-talks , ‘Christianized’ infomercials and ‘Christianized’ political speeches written by lawyers to loophole around the 501c3 laws.

25. We’re sorry for telling you that the way to experience New Covenant grace is by reinstating an Old Covenant hyper legalism and reinstating all the Jewish feasts and holidays.

26. We’re sorry for bashing political correctiveness while having our own ’spiritually correct terminology by calling church a ‘campus / worship center’, calling the service a ‘celebration time’, calling the pastor a ‘C.E.O. / life-coach’, and calling sin a ’sickness’.

feel free to add more theses/apologies