It’s That Time Again
It’s about that time again
Time for those New Year Bible prophecies of what the year 2010 will be like. In fact, the yellow and brown journalism of the prophetic (contents on the above link is subject to change after the date) is already advertising their “What Is God Saying for 2010″ conference with their special guests from the “chief prophet” of the NAR, the “mess us up O God” preacher, the “Demons are on our candy” spiritual warfare wackjob, the founder of the “yellow and brown journalism of the prophetic”, to the founder’s pastor.
Knowing that most of these ‘prophecies” in the past that are spoken forth at these mega conferences (full of super apostles and hyper prophets) tend to rhyme. I have decided to try to help you save some money. With the help of the rhymezone.com web site, I have decided to try to figure out (in a comical manner while deeply respecting the true prophetic) what is usually said and go ahead and post the obvious ones….
You are destined to win in 2010
I will move in the midst of your small group that meets in your den in 2010
You no longer have to sin in 2010
Cast your nets on the other side for the fish with a fin in 2010
Invest in Tin in 2010
Come into the Holy zen in 2010
You will no longer be a spiritual “has-been” in the year of 2010
Receive ministry from Ben, Ken, Glenn, and Jen in 2010
I will break the “spirit of the mother hen” in 2010
I will move in your midst again in 2010
Amen for 2010
I will raise up the Godly men in 2010.
I will bring the prodigals to the senses inside the pig pen in 2010
I will expose the antichrist spirit of the UN in 2010
The dove and the wren will fly over you in 2010
I will bring revival to China by healing the bloodshed that took place at the Square of Tienanmen in 2010.
I will anoint you to write down the revelations of God with your fifty cent BIC fountain pen (snark at Ms. Bynum’s famous $5000.00 ink pen) in 2010.
I will bring renewal every now and then in 2010
The medicine of laughter will come forth from my anointed comedienne and L.P.N. (licensed practical nurse) in 2010.
Christians will have a public presence to witness for me on ESPN, NESN, CNN, HLN, and HSN instead of the usual suspects of ISPN, TBN, EWTN, and 3ABN in 2010.
Spend time with your families and kin during 2010.
Tres bien in 2010
Muy bien in 2010
OK, I think that will uncover most of these 2010 prophecies.
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I don’t the the whole “God has a message for 2010″ idea. Do we think God follows our calendar? I think God’s timetable is much longer than 365 days. How about telling us “what God is saying for the next decade,” or “what God is saying for the next 50 years?”
What a waste of time and effort.
“Demons are on our candy”? WTF?
Is this a “reimagining” (remake) of the “Demon-possessed Cabbage Patch Dolls” Spiritual Warfare scare of the Eighties?
And as for “New Years Bible Prophecies For 2010″, how does that differ from the “Psychics’ Predictions for 2010″ you see on the tabloid covers in the supermarket checkout lines?
MessengerBoy:
I was only trying to satirize what is really said in those new year prophecies…
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Ken:
“Demons are on our candy”? WTF?”
source – http://www.charismamag.com/index.php/prophetic-insight/23723-the-danger-of-celebrating-halloween?showall=1
“And as for “New Years Bible Prophecies For 2010″, how does that differ from the “Psychics’ Predictions for 2010″ you see on the tabloid covers in the supermarket checkout lines?”
It doesn’t differ. It is still tabloid news and many of these people are just psycho psychics masquerading around Christianity as “prophets” when in reality, they are “profit$”
Okay. Let me get this straight. Christians cannot celebrate Halloween because Halloween candy either is or might be Demon-Possessed. Are they having Poster Child auditions for Carl Sagan’s Demon-Haunted World or what?
The only words that come to mind are none other than Aliester Crowley’s, commenting on the occult antics of Jack Parsons & L Ron Hubbard:
“I thought I had a most morbid imagination, as good as any man’s. But it appears I have not.”
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And for the “New Years Bible Prophecies”:
“Just like ‘Psychic Predictions for 2010′, Except CHRISTIAN (TM)!!!!”
(Tell me again how the early Christians got into trouble with the Romans because they WEREN’T superstitious?)